goodbye, dear friend

dogs get you lost. lost on a trail. lost in the park. lost in your head with all the things they do. sometimes it's not you who is lost, but them. i know too well about the agony over a dog who wanders off. but i was lost in love for over 10 years with one of my best friends. fragile, dear and sweet miss figi (sometimes called babydog, little bear or mrs. applesauce). today, i believe that i'm even more lost.

yesterday in the early evening as the sun began to kiss the sky goodnight, figi's sweet soul was released to that wonderful place we in our home now call "dog heaven". she was 13 and had been battling terrible arthritis for years. she'd recently lost most of her ability to control her bodily functions. she'd been suffering falls on hardwood floors for quite some time, and now she was falling in places that weren't safe for her. i decided that i wouldn't crate her, for that was a sentence of boredom for any animal. we'd tried medications that only seemed to serve as a buffer to an inevitable and undignified decline, though they helped so much in the last 3 years.

for the last year i tossed and turned daily (with lots of guilt) about euthanizing my beloved friend. last tuesday i was finally able to understand why letting it happen was more about love than letting go. so yesterday, i did just that. she's free now to run as fast as she can in the green fields that will always stay green. and as my son says, "she can walk again...and she's going to be better...and she won't have any more accidents or struggle." and he's right.

over the past week i've come to realize quite a few things about this great friend of mine. she'd battled a lot of odds. when i met at age 2 or 3, she had been saved by a no-kill rescue group in richmond, virginia. her skinny, tick covered self was originally found in a dirty backyard dog pen in god-knows-where. i loved her instantly--especially her pointy little ears with their wispy hairs. she also beat the odds many times over the last 10+ years by avoiding the wheels of trucks and cars, often after wandering off through an unclosed gate--by a forgetful parent. and then there were the animal attacks and terrible falls. in '99 she fell down a flight of stairs and dislocated her leg. in 2001 she was viciously attacked by a german shepherd, which left both of us (particularly myself) with a bit of PTSD. i was really never able to go to the park or walk her again without fear of her being attacked. but she weathered all of those trials--including the arthritis and mild dementia. yesterday, i realized that this dog had gotten through so much on her own. to deny her dignity in the end would be dismissive of all that she had survived.

yesterday we took one last good walk together without fear and with lots of gratitude. i think that she had decided that it was going to be a good day for her--or perhaps her body did. she didn't have any falls and was able to walk with me in the park for a good hour and a half, curling her feet through the lovely trees and trails. the weather was perfect with a touch of wind that kept us cool. we ate turkey and cheese sandwiches (she had 3) under a beautiful tree and sat by the river (her choice) to watch one last time. then we went home. the spring flowers that surrounded her time at the park made it all the better.

i tried to make her last moments meaningful. the walk made her tired and the tranquilizer that the vet gave her brought her to the afternoon nap she had probably been waiting for. i lit candles and brought in flowers. the room was beautiful. our good-bye so peaceful. everyone allowed me to cry, a lot. but most importantly, though i got to say everything i needed to her beforehand. i apologized for the times i had been angry at her, especially in her most recent condition. and i got to tell her that i was so grateful for all that she'd given me in this life, which included her total unconditional love.

the last thing that i got to say though, which i don't know i had really realized until that point, was that i was thankful to her that she had made a space in her life for me. it's always obvious that dog owners are making space in their life for dogs, especially those that they rescue or get from a shelter. but it's a foreign idea that somehow dogs give themselves to you...make space in their little lives for you. those last words i spoke to her marked probably the one moment in my life when i have felt the most gratitude. and there she goes again...giving me more.

i will miss her so.

photos are from our time together yesterday

do...not...destroy...yard...erp

"what has the world come to?"

when we bought our house in 2003, the place was decked out and ready to move right in. all the walls were painted in a generous color scheme, lending itself to the feeling of being in a greenhouse/christopher lowell wet dream. no, it was lovely. and most of the color is still there, downstairs anyway. we've done a pretty good job covering up the other poo/natural colors that wrapped the walls upstairs. we showered them with lovely pinks, greens and blues. and i feel fine about those choices. painting is easy peasy. however, when you take on a house that really don't need taking on, there's really only one way, other than paint to do it...

destroy it.

and that we did. not anything inside, really. paint is all we really know how to do as of now. and moving furniture. and pooping on the floor. the prime place of our damage to date is in the back yard. the back half, the selling point, the oasis of our home, the hot spot for boozin' and firing up the fire pit has taken the hardest hit. not really because we wanted to, but because we just couldn't. this 5-10K of well-spent urban opulence (potential, with high maintenance) is what we inherited from the two men who owned the home before us. and we killed it. we had a pond, a well landscaped yard, a nice brick patio, a boozin' spot. almost all gone before our eyes.

this winter we realized that we'd neglected it to starvation and ugliness due to the fact that we weren't really using it at all. didn't want it. it didn't fit anymore, especially for a couple with a 3- year-old and an old dog who pooped everywhere. some recommended that we level it and start over. others said not to touch it. i was one of those, fearing that another potential buying couple might take a look at a boring grassy lump and turn right away. the yard was the main selling point. and it is, if you're into that stuff. i reasoned that anyone into a sexy back yard (or a sexyback yard) just isn't going to buy in our neighborhood during these po' times. with that, we decided to revamp the lump and keep it sexy but for the kids and sod it on up. so here we go. first milestone is to clean it all up. then we'll turn to sod king to give it a wig. then the face lift.

"...And what have my people done?"

i hope that something beautiful and useful will come of the mess we have made. i send to the universe my apologies to walter and ruben for ruining what they spent so much time cultivating. thankfully, they probably don't care and are busy flipping another house somewhere else...or not.

5 years

Mother's Day Proclamation - 1870

Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
"We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the voice of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: "Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe our dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil
At the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace...
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God -
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality,
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.

kate walsh the singer, not the doctor actor

i heard this gal on public radio about 10 am this morning. she has a sweet voice that reminds me a wee bit of harriett wheeler (former sundays lead), but less forced. she does have a sugary voice, but it's totally tolerable. we all need sweet every once in awhile...maybe. i do anyway, hell with all these mean girl hormones raging through my body every day.

anyway, if you like harriett, elizabeth mitchell or very early shawn colvin, you will like this kate walsh girl. check out her little place on verve rekkids. quite loverly. paul, i will be stealing your itunes cards soon, so you bets finds em.

photo swipered from verve.

Karl Rove can Kiss Our Ass!

photo by the super gergy McGerg Huma Abedin

I'd been grappling over who to vote for in the Ohio primary elections for a few months. I love Obama's optimism and am inspired by his words...and of course, those who love him. We have his photo on our fridge and his book on our shelf. And we dream of him taking the White House back from the good ol' boys. I love Michelle and her ease with talking to the people. However, I also love all of the good about Hillary Clinton...and ALSO dream of her taking it all back and cleaning stuff up. Karl Rove said that women wouldn't vote for her. Well, I told myself many years ago that if Hillary ran, I vote for her. I know that for some, she's part of the problem--and not at all part of the solution. But for me, she seems to have some good solutions, including health care for everyone. I agreed with the sentiment of a friend that I just couldn't look myself in the mirror and not vote for a woman--especially now that I'm having a girl of my own. So Tuesday, Hillary got my vote.

The Ohio Primary Rally was held Tuesday night in downtown Columbus--and quite perfectly right next door to my office building--so no parking! I jumped in around 7:30 pm and took it all in for a good 3 1/2 hours before she arrived. I was impressed by the good mix of women and men at the event. I took an opportunity to find a few of those men and capture their images (sorry for the poor quality of a few of them). There was definitely a lot of women of all ages in attendance. I had a chance to sit with a group of iconic middle aged broads for Hillary. Go hot flashes! I was pretty tired the day after, having stood for a good 2 hours with available seating now and then. But it was an wonderful time to be in Ohio Tuesday night with the growing baby girl in my belly, dancing around to the cheers and noise and probably wondering who the hell let all that extra estrogen in.

press in the hizz

NBC's Andrea Mitchell in the hizz

chiseled menz for the Hillz

more awesome menz for the Hillz

prego me for the Hillz

Octo-Astro for the Hillz

the Hillz...Killz!

Happy Birthday, Ol Man

Dear Sweet One,

You're still shiney and sweet after all these years. I'm so glad to know you.

xo,

Your Wifey Wife

oh tina fey, why must you make me think even more?

Robin Morgan's well-travelled words on Hillary Clinton first jolted me a bit from my leanings to Barak Obama. I know too many women who are in my place...feeling the need to support her, but unsure. I do know that I hate her ever so slight anti-choice leanings she started on to gain more support from conservatives. I also hate that she voted for the war in Iraq. I also hate that she's played it old school to get political power. But I still don't know all about her. Or him for that matter. There's plenty to read, and I need to do it now, in order to get myself right about these two.

Tina Fey didn't help me last Saturday night though. She is right...bitches get stuff done. But will it be the good stuff? How can we tell? Looking at her track record, she did throw a lot of weight around during Bill's presidency. But is it enough? What do we really need?

Bear from cafepress.com/gigglechick

dear tiny-baby-girl-yet-to-be-borned,

i do not have enough hours in the day to sew you pretty embroidered dresses...well, as splendid as this one anyway. i should secretly have your gran buy it. but i will learn soon. just taking a peek into the world of wee-girl-wear facinates, terrifies and delights me all at the same time. embroidery classes await me!

xo,

your lady above

we'll be great in 2008

here we go again. i'm going to try my bestest to keep up with writing. being pregnant (but in the second trimester, thank goodness), having a full-time job, a 3-year-old and a super duper husband to tend to takes up quite a bit of time. but it's good to write. i need to write...more. it's good to write...write...write. if only the screen sounded, felt and looked like paper.

i'll be back!

best news of the day

One of my all-time favorite bands, Ida, will release a new album at the end of January '08. According to Pitchfork, the band recorded the Lovers Prayers album in the Catskills-based home of Levon Holm (who used to play in The Band). I can not wait until January to hear this sweet music. Hopefully a well-connected-to-the-music-world fairy will send me one in the mail. Otherwise, I'll have to wait in agony!

sew, mama, sew! handmade holidays

so very excited about all of this! if i only had all day long to craft and craft. i wonder if the fabric store will let me barter mopping the bathrooms for fabric...

it's coming, it's coming

we've decided to hand make most of our christmas gifts this year instead of running up ridiculous amounts on our credit cards. so the weekend of hollerday crafting will begin tonight! i've been getting some inspiration from uncommon grace and soulemama lately. i also found a handy list of diy holiday gifts over at family fun. and now that i'm over my fear of sewing, i think i'll be ready to dive in and make all sorts of goodies. yippie!

even a 12-year-old knows how to pull a burt reynolds

to the left, my son parker. to the right, my nephew wesley--in disguise. he is probably the coolest 12-year-old around. smart, witty, so so so kind, generous, best friend to his sister, and moreso, friends with everyone. one of the most wonderful persons on the planet.

these were taken this summer at their joint birthday party. one of parker's gifts from me was a set of mustaches for accentuating his pirateness. note the pirate t-shirt from wesley's mom jen...matches perfectly with his friends in low places hat. anyway, we finally downloaded photos from that day this week and they've been a blast to look at. it was a pretty poignant day for me (i was in the middle of a miscarriage) but the photos of these terrific boys help me to remember just what a great celebration that was...and how awesome it is that they are here in this life with us. their existence is a true gift.

The Swedish Chef vs The Chicken

thank goodness for both the chef and the pigs in space!

decor8: Calendar Round Up 2008: Part One

calendars make me oh so happy. i only wish i could look at each of these right now. please see part two as well.

back to work.

decor8: Calendar Round Up 2008: Part One

if you teach him to fish (a.k.a. juvenile post for sunday)

last year we took our son to the hog calling contest at the circleville pumpkin show. we finally got ahold of the images that he took while standing with us in the crowded audience. i gave him my canon powershot camera to play with--i know, bad mother. anyway, he eventually dropped the camera, then picked it up and smashed the lens in. it rendered it useless and we've been without a real camera for a year. we've been using a video camera that "take photos, too!" but it ain't the same. i might as well be using a shoe to take a photo. anyway, back to those butts. we didn't know that while below he was getting some booty shots. here are a few to enjoy. feel free to provide captions.

sweet november

next week will be the third anniversary of our wedding reception, what i like to call our "second wedding" and what i consider was our real wedding. we had a shotgun ("with child") wedding with family and two friends (adamant about being in attendance) in march of 2004. we didn't have enough time to throw together a fancypants party, so we thought we'd wait several months. boy was it crazy. i had no idea how insane it would be trying to plan a wedding reception diy style with a 2 month old. i do not recommend it, unless you're a nihilist.

so on november 6, 2004 we held a renewal of vows and blessing of the family before all of those we loved. the ceremony/party was held at a barn outside of town. friends helped us throw the event together. a local vegetarian restaurant catered it with comfort soups, salad and bread. my mom put together the floral arrangements. and tons of people showed, despite the country location.

there were a few sour notes to the day. i was late, having been caught in a baby feeding call as i was on my way out the door. and, unfortunately, it was just a few days right after bush won his second term. for some, it was a very bitter time and no one was really up for celebrating anything. despite that, the whole day was lovely and the weather was perfect. it was an honor to celebrate with our friends and family. it was dreamy. i had wanted a full scale bourgeois martha stewart wedding for many years and struggled that this wasn't going to be the perfect one--but the event turned out to be quite the opposite. everything i wanted. color. food. loved ones. sunshine. music. sweet cake. we had it all.

i love to look at the photos from that day each november. they always remind me of how wonderful life is and how lucky i am to have experienced this day.

the randy's

paul and me. (that baby is now in kindergarten, i think)

flyboy looking for food

folks dancing with the bubbles

the photographer and oh so midwest modern jessica miller

all things on my mind

tree trimming way overdue

babies don't eat kimchee is due at the library

electrical work

wee horses

preschool class picture, so cute

soccer in the spring

snow tires this year

insurance

will the car die?

broken hearts/angry hearts

amy butler trunk show next week

halloween trick or treating

fall leaves swirling around my neighborhood

purl soho

gratitude for a toddler in my lap at the sewing machine

gratitude for sea kelp and iodine

jen and brian's wedding ceremony

grace

peace

my own forgiveness

chicken in the fridge that is almost a week old

cook it up!

he's the real deal

we're worried about his sword holding abilities, but it might be okay. as long as his sash don't fall down, it will all work out. see him next week when he's working down the panama canal.

code pink on condi

Code Pink member Desiree Anita Ali-Fairooz confronted Condesleeze Rice yesterday at a House Foreign Relations Committee hearing about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, telling her she was a "war criminal". I'm totally in awe of this woman who went out on the line to have her voice heard--bloody well heard. Sadly, the committee chair ordered all of the Code Pink members in attendance out of the hearing. (WTF?) Those who were kicked out didn't go down without a fight. Towanda! See the footage here.